Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Rules for Commuters

Rules for commuters, especially in Boston and the Vicinity

1. Please shower. If your body resembles the smell of an onion,
a pile of dirt or other unclean/odoriferous items, please shower. If
you do not own a shower or access to one, you thereby forfeit the
right to stand near me and hold on to the upper bar of the Bus/Subway.

2. If you’re not getting off of the Bus/Subway, do not stand in
the doorway of the Bus/Subway and look perplexed as to why several
people are glaring at you and/or body- checking you. see guideline in

2a. the phrase “excuse me” requires action on your part, ignoring the
phrase will likely result in bodily harm.

3. If Jay Z/Usher/P Diddy released a new song yesterday, do not
blast it via headphones for the rest of the Bus/Subway.

4. Do not, under any circumstances, sneeze on me.

5. If you must eat on the Bus/Subway, keep it in the container.
If you spilled curry on the bus seat, the exact color of the bus seat,
and did not wipe it off, be advised that one day, I will find you and
dump curry on your head. (true story)

6. Please close your umbrella prior to entering the bus/subway.
It is unacceptable to shake weather protection devices on fellow
commuters. Except those needing a shower, see #1.

7. Do not stare/gawk at fellow commuters. This is considered
Rude and violators are subject to unforeseen reactions. Exceptions to
this rule mentioned in #2.

8. Seats are for passengers only. If asked to remove your
precious personal luggage, in order for a passenger to sit, please do
so or your luggage is subject to being thrown out the nearest exit by

9. Pretending not to hear requests mentioned in #2 or #8 are
subject to revoking Charlie Card privileges, permanently. Also run
high risk of black eye syndrome.

10. As referenced in #4, if you have the Swine Flu, Bird Flu, Drank
too much at the Red Sox Game Flu please stay home and off of public

Remember to notify your driver of suspicious or unoccupied bags. Thank
you for riding the T.